Hey my buddies!

I haven't been able to write at all this weekend, nor read, and it pisses me off but the sight of a computer screen made me wanna barf.

A friend came with a cold at work and I caught it, it fell on to my lungs and I sound like an old grama that'd been smoking all her life. Awesome. Breathing makes me caugh, caughing makes me not breathe.

Anyway, it's better than the flu, and hopefully i'll be back on my feet (somewhat) for the 24th. It's not even for Christmas because... blah. but it's because I take the train that day and I'd ratehr feel okay in it.

Anyway, i'm dizzy and too hot but I'm cold, and at work because I'm a good girl. I just wanted to say hi and, well, take a break for two secs.

Byes!

 A thought occured to me.
I hate disturbing thoughts occuring to me at random moments... like while writting a fic with NO relation at all with the subject.
I've just taken a Gaviscon. This is some ugly med you have to swallow when your stomach aches. It's efficient but it's really aweful.
The taste is made not to be disgusting but COME ON!!! It's stronger than toothpaste. And you don't swallow half a tube of toothpaste. Ever.
Yack.
So, I was just... idk, maybe it's the color, the aspect... I don't know what brought this one I've taken it for month... But... i just thought... If I can swallow that... I could swallow even the worse-.... you follow my idea.

Random.
Yack.
Again.
WTH???

So, ahem... My mom came over and we spent 12 hours in the ER (yay...). They didn't find anything wrong on the tests they ran there, but sent me to a full hormonal and stuff check up. We have 2 theories. A blood pressure problem could be what's making me sick. We don't know for sure because we haven't been able to measure PB while I was feeling especially dizzy. But when they drew blood it tended to comfirm the theory since it was very slow. It took me like 10 min to fill three vials. All I wonder is why they didn't measure BP then...
Anyway, the problem could be this, too low and too high PB at times. 
If nothing's found there, they plan to send me to a neurologist. (Helloooo, Foreman. Sorry, need to stop doing that.) They told me that the ringing in my hears and weakness could make them look in that field too.
So, they pierced holes in my veins, I have to pee in a jar for 3 days (yay, almost over... I'm not for collecting that kind of stuff). and I hope that they'll find something that could explain how week I am.
So, yeah... to sum up. I've been feeling so weak I haven't been able to be online and read fanficts. I can't for the hell focus enough to write enven if i have tons of ideas and I'm tired when I get up.
You know, when you've run or danced or done something tiring like a sport and collapse on your bed to catch your breath and you feel like you can't ever get up again? Well, it's me... all day long for two weeks.
It's getting... aha, tiring.
I mean really.
But I have hopes, at least no one told me I was faking this time.

I mean, srly. Tell me. Maybe I do and I hadn't noticed. Is it the hair color? I can go back to brunette again if they want.

I told you I was on heart medication... (I did, right?) Well... it's killing me.

I mean, for real.

Two days ago I didn't feel well. Wozzy and stuff with my ears buzzing. I was in front of my laptop... nd honestly I'm so USED TO feeling weird and sick that I didn't notice at first... then I wished it went away. It took me about an hour to think that maybe I needed to eat.
I wasn't hungry, but I thought that since I mostly have soup because that goes down easily, maybe I needed sugar.
I took a bowl of cereal.
It took me 9 hours to stop feeling like I was going to puke. (I hate my body.)
I went to bed. Next morning. Back to my unnormal normal self.

Last night.... I felt faint again. But this time way worse... it lasted longer and... yeah... if you've passed out in your life... you'll see what I mean... I was lying in my bed, trying to keep the room from spinning (so eyes opened, with them closed it's worse)... and I felt like I was oing to fall. I mean, my body felt like I was falling forward. like I'd just tripped. But constantly, for hours.

Turns out.... My heart medication made to make my heart steady and not racing.... IS making my heart steady.... and WAY TOO SLOW.

Maybe I'm over reacting, but I was scared to sleep although I was beat, because everytime I felt myslef go, well... I felt myself go. My heart beat was already too slow and it was going slower... (like when you fall alseep)

So what? I didn't quit the meds, but I only took one instead of three today. We'll see. I' don't feel so hot right now but it's chemicals, the change might take a while to appear.


So yeah. I'm here again, delusional, hoping that there's one Gregory House out there that MIGHT HAVE AT LEAST A CLUE about what's wrong with me... and actually not making me worse.

I mean, ok if my heart stops beating, it won't go too fast, but I should have mentioned that I wasn't looking for that kind of solution.


Be careful what you wish for.... my clever inspirational message of the day...

On that note... bed. I'm going to Paris tomorrow of the worse exam I have to take for these mid terms... this actually decide on my future... (whethere I leave in may 2009 or a year later for teh states and if I have to spend a lot more money into this or not.

*takes a deep breath* I wish I was good with maths.... 

 Hey everybody. Still some keep asking about how I am, well... I've been on medication since my breakdown last tuesday. I've slept a lot -like 20 hours a day- this week end and thanks to acid-control medication my stomach is better and I managed to eat a little.

Hey buddies, for those who are interested, I'm taking a break from my life until the mid terms are over. I might post stuff and some stories but I won't be concentrating on them. In January it'll be a different story and i'll be back on track.

Hopefully.

Anyway, this is what promted this: it's been a few weeks that i've been swamped in work and stress signals have been showing everywhere. Tachycardia and arythmia are back, i don't sleep, can't eat unless I want to feel like puking... etc... So I'm been meaning to post this for a while.

I'm currently in a room in my school instead of being in class because some janitor found me crying on the floor of the bathroom. Very neat self esteem wise. I was completely fine this morning, although i haven't slept much, i had energy. Then i got out of class for the break and it all happened in 30 seconds.
I was laughing and joking about being excited for yesterday's episode of Heroes, that i can watch tonight, to feeling my stomach actually burn and i thought i was going to vomit when i stood. i went to the bathroom and i thought i as going to die from a heart attack. Poor David, I called his cell like 5 times because i wanted him to help me relax but he didn't get my class, so he's in class and must be wondering what the hell is happening. I called my mom and cried like a stupid shit, while hestitating between making myself sick and get it over with or trying not to puke. I haven't decided yet.
The doctor was called in emergency and I'm still shaking and feeling sick. He gave me something to sleep. That'd be great. I haven't slept more than three or four hours in two weeks, so yeah... *if* that works, that'd be great.
They make artificial hearts, can they make articicial stomachs too? i want one. one that doesn't burn and digests itself. (santa, if you read this...)

I'm sorry if this post is dramatic, i basically just wanted to tell you I'll try to catch up on my friend's page but i can't guaranty anyhing since i have a lot of people in my flist and they all post many great stuff and i can't choose...

Here's some thinspiration.
I used to be thin and athletic. It's not like dramatic now, I'm somewhat good looking but I'm crying over 10 to 15 lbs I think are overweight.
If I loose them all I'll been close to skinny, but it works better for me if I set a hard target.
I know I cannot have everyone's body, so I'm setting a realistic motivation model too. I could not be as thin as Kristen Bell or as tall as Erica Durence so there's no need to fantasize about them.
I have always been sporty phisically and my years of dance and martial arts practice gave me some good muscles leftovers.

I need to come up with some good exercise program this year and win my body back.
Since my family doctor saw my cardiac file and said there was nothing wrong with me (my ass...), it must not be that bad. So I'm going to live as if I was prefectly healthy. I'm tired of being careful because I'm scared of making my faintings worse.
So, yeah. I'm happy to share with you my motivation and my new and hopefully-back-on-track life.

Oh, yeah, and I hope my motivation last more than a day. lol

Twenty-fucking-one years !! That what it took for the doctors to figure out I have asthma! I mean, I have trouble breathing, my grand mom has asthma, my uncle and aunts have it -oddly, only my mom and her twin don't have it-. It gets worse when comes my anual allergies aroudn may and oh..... twenty one years to find out that I have asthma !!
I've known since I was ten. Duh.
Anyway... Now I've got a treatment, so I can laugh without scraring everyone because I choke and faint.
Neat.