Apparently I've taken up talking in my sleep again.

Which is cool.

'Cept apparently I creeped my boyfriend out so much he couldn't sleep.

From what he just told me, I'm guessing in was in SPN mode. We just watched the end of S4 and I kept purring all night. (Although, I feel bad for Sam. He was wrong, okay, but he really was trying to do the right thing. Dean's never going to let him hear the end of it. When Sam was ready to give himself up. Like Dean did, except to save teh world, not only his brother (although he would have too). One act is selfish and the other altruistic.... just saying.. I hope Dean isn't too hard on him.)

Anyway... apprently I talked about how Sam was getting possessed every five minutes, which... wtf?

The thing is, maybe it was sleep, but my voice was raspy and very low according to David (I've got to stop almost slipping and call him Dean. Seriously, he needs to change intitials), like scary low. Which I know is possible since I've played some parts were I used a very low, very authoritary voice that isn't the one I speak with usually.

But the best part is... wait for it... when (remember we watched the end of S4 last night) my voice dropped even lower and I purred out something like "finally... I'm finally back."

Wow... channeling my inner Lucifer, here. *giggles*

I like. I mean, it's weird, but it's awesome. Fun.

Is it wrong that spooking my boyfriend amuses me?

Or tease him and telling him he's bisexual even though he doesn't know it? (Come on, I tell the guy I dreamt I was making out with Jensen (WOOT!!! btw. He is one gifted man...) and he goes "Hm, that would be nice." and when I smirk he goes. "For you! Dammit.") It's going to come bite me in the ass the day he dumps me so he can try guys.
Meh... maybe I could tape that.
*whacks head* Okay, I gotta stop thinking when I start channeling Mike.

Today they came to shoot pictures of us at the HQ. We had to stand and pose with a sheet of paper mug shot style, and later on they'll put the Altazeo logo on it. 
Oh yeah, I'm a model, you know what I mean, and I do my little trun on the catwalk... on the caltwalk...

 Yeah, so... Just to point that out from the start, i'm not crazy.
Yeah, okay. Not that crazy.
I know that Dean doesn't exist but.... let me just describe the guy. It wasn't Jensen Ackles' Dean, but more the guy we've seen playing teenage Dean in high school recently. but an older version, i didn't ask him how old he was but he looked about 28 to 30. Same fucking green eyes, same lips, same hair and hari color, same grin... Same brown leather jacket with the colar pulled up. Same old battered shoes.
Not as bulky as Jensen is now, but...
And when I told him who he was reminding me off he blushed the prettiest kind of pink. Awesome. I'd never made a guy blush before.

And imagine what the guy does for a living?

Today, he modeled for Hugo Boss.

Keep an eye out.

So... I sort of just sent an email to my best friend. It sounds like a love letter, which is kinda is, but I hope it doesn't sound gay. Not that I deny my potential bisexuality or anything, but I believe she's strickly straight and this really wasn't the point so it would ruin everything i tried to say.

I mean, we've been friends for 8 years and we clicked right off, so we both know we love each other. But it's tricky to plain say 'I love you' to a friend and make sure it doesn't carry any possible double meaning. Anyway. i felt like sharing. So, here's the overly long email and a picture of us during the birthday mentionned.
Just to make things clear, she's born on March 12 and turned 21 that day, my friend Pierre was born on March 19th and turned 19. I'm born on March 22nd and turned 20 on the very day. And Jean Phi, a friend of ours who is also a freaking rock star and bass teacher (I asked him once if there was any instrument he didn't know how to play, because, dude... he rocks. he just nodded and went 'Triangle. i don't know triangle.') was born on the same day as me and turned 32 that day.

 Guys, you'll all admit to that, and girls, we've all seen it. It's a typical hetero guy thing never to admit that they find another guy good looking. Unless they're brothers, or very very close maybe. Usually they'll deny it, shrug it off, or simply tell you that they can't judge because they're not chicks.
Come on, we girls do know when another sister's smoking, don't we?
So yeah... i'm wondering if I'm turning my boyfriend gay friendly. i've been teasing him a lot about that, to be honest, because as much as the idea of hooking up with a guy doesn't please him, he's really in touch with his feminine side. hell, when we met he spent more time on his hair than i did. (I got him to grow it out... now he gives me Jared Padalecki's picture as a model to cut it... *grins*) And he does the dishes. Which I never do.
We're like... reversed. I live like a single ampha male and he's worse than my grand mother cleaning after himself. (I swear, if there's a plate in the, he can wash it in the middle of the night in reflex because he saw it as he came back from his bathroom break.)

Now, about the contagious thing.

Today, in less than half an hour, he said two things that made my eyebrows rise. One, 'Jared Padalecki is hot'. My normal response to that would be 'no shit?' because.. well, you get my drift. But coming from a guy. A guy who's first initial isn't J... Interesting.
And like... just when we're watching Ben in Dark Angel, he says he looks all cute (o_O) and we start discussing that there's no way he's 23 because he looks so young and shit and he's like... 'I like him better in Ten Inch Hero, he really looks great with eyeliner.'

*rofl*

I'm telling you. When David's officially at least half out of the closet, and I'm his famous director best friend on the red carpet in a few years... i'm so introducing them.








Oh, and also... don't mind me. I'm tired. I have that tendency to go delirius at times in my analysis of everything that goes on around me.


See?

So hm, what's up with my best friend anyway?? 

I don't even know if we're on speaking terms anymore. *shrugs* Seriously..; last week, she came in town, we went out, and her sister got hammered. Fine, Barbara was a bit drunk herself, pissed off and probably felt wierd having to witness her sister in that state. because, yeeshh, that wasn't pretty. (Well, very funny at first... but not at the end). I waited to ride the elevator with her so she wouldn't be alone and... yeah, she needed to vent I guess. So I was there. i was the bad guy because I didn't help carrying her sister. Well, he only has two sides, you know. One guy on each, what can i do? I was behind in case she fell (she ended up taking a nose dive, but nothing serious)...
She puked on herslef, and on my boyfriend's couch, who was the gracious host that gave him the keys to his flat for them to stay.

So, yeah... I don't get an appology... whatever... she had other stuff to worry about.

Then, tonight... she comes again, I'm not feeling so much like partying, I'm tired, I say I'm coming, but just so we got out for dinner. If they go dance later, I'm out. She says it's her last week end free, then she'll be working and she won't be able to come. Fine, as if i was going to miss an opportunity to see them.
Turns out, we go to this place, called the American Way. Oh hell it is, man. It's the freaking TEXAN way, dammit. i love this place, the food is awesome but UGH i'm full for a decade and a half!
So, yeah... my stomach hurts a bit. Dude, her father is my stomach doctor, she was there when he told me about the possibility of surgery. And it's my fault if i hurt, uh? I hate too much, so I didn't feel like going to dance more. Nope.
So yeah, maybe she'd hope of getting me worked up to go out with them but the deal was clear. David's on morning shift, he gets up at 6... we aren't going our. So she's giving me the silent treatment for half an hour. Might I mention, she's still staying at David's, and he's with me, so she can have a bed allll to herslef and maybe bring a guy in there... again.
ugh.
So we left, they went out to a bar or something (like we weren't having fun dancing and them drinking in the flat. I like it better because we dance the same, we get to choose the music and it's not too fucking hot which makes me automatically sicker by the second, so yeah... not keen on the bar idea) and David and i went home. She says like 'grand pa and grand ma go home'. Bitch. Seriously. What's her deal nowadays? I'm not her freaking punching bag.
She didn't even ride the elevator with us.
Yes, yes... she's 22 too.

I guess I don't really wanna go see that movie with them tomorrow. This time I want an appology. Or at least an explanation of what the fuck happened to make her pissed at me in 20min tops.

This is what i get when i make sacrifices to my friends.

Won't do the same mistake again;

Yeah so... I'm like moskito bait... I'm a freaking open bar!!

It's always been that way. If you're around me, you won't get bit because it's all for me. I don't know what's in my blood but they like mine better...

so yeah, I've got that lotion thing to fend them off...

and duuuuude, i forgot my toes!

In like ten minutes I've been biten three times ON MY TOES!!

Wicked tiny vamps with wings...

So....

I've got a new computer. And I find myself in need for some guidance.

My new baby's a dream, really. Last night I was like 'Dude, can you hear my computer?' (the last one's fan was SO loud it gave me headaches)
And David when like. "Nope."
"Me neither."
A dream, really.

i still haven't got around to see if I lost anything from my old hard drive though.

But, yeah... not the point of this post.

I went over at my parent's house for almost 24 hours and it went okay until I was about to leave.
Then, in front of my mom, her twin and my cousin, he said something so stupid. one of this 'I know you so well truths' (my ass) of his and i blew a fuse. Honestly? If I hadn't been so shocked by the absurdity or so mad that he did this JUST as i was going in my car, I would have laughed my ass off.
Honest.
He said, completely sure of himself, the exact opposite of the truth. And everyone there knew it.
So we fought, because I swore to myself that even if it makes things worse between us i wouldn't let things go and just nod and take the blows.
So i left.

Here's my confession and my plea for guidance. i'm not the first one with daddy issues and it's terrible how it's just lame but I needed to get this out.
Please, if you're not ready for TMI, don't read. And i hope you won't see me differently after that.
Here's the part of the post that i edited before i posted.

( The Seven Circles of my mind, right here. )

Anyway... anything i might have mentionned here, i'm obviously confortable enough with so if you wanna ask something, i can talk about it. Go ahead. If having more info will help you adivse me, i'll tell you whatever you want.

 I'll be going to bed soon, hopefully, if my stomach agrees to let me lie down and not feel sick.

Which means, given it's 4:29, that I have now had a 24 hours day. Nice, isn't it?

Weirdest thing is... I've been more tired. Way more, on other circumstances. Of course, I know that as soon as my head touches the pillow I'll sink, which is great compared to the insomia, but I'm not nodding off in front of the computer.

Still... G'night people!

 So, yeah... I have two fics to post (self beta is a bitch) and I need to update on my somewhat eventful family week end. I've got tons of errants to run today (looking for a job, bringing papers, etc...) but I promise I'll get everything done by tonight.

Meanwhile... here's a video I watached a few days ago and, well... I thought I'd share.
And, yeah... no need to tell me I'm a dork. Dude, I so know.

Well, two years appart and we're starting just where we left off. Goofing around and teasing just like we parted yesterday.





And yes, she's blonde and I'm a brunette. (No I am not yealous of her eyes and hair. *denial*)

And, yes, she's taller but she's the little sister.

*thinks* And I did blast AC/DC & Metallica all the way to my parents after that (2 & 1/2 hour drive) & I wear leather jackets.

Maybe I should get myself an Impala.

 We shot the school's lipdub yesterday. It took all afternoon and I got reminded of how damn much I miss acting. We had to rehearse and redo it a bunch of time because there were some misshaps and while I waited during the shots with Sabrina and Barbara (my best buds in here) I realized that I'd love to do that as a job.
Okay, fine, who wouldn't be an actor/actress? Yeah, sure. But often when you get closer to your dream job you realize all the downsides to it. One would be, re doing, re shooting, over and over until prefection is reached (well...) and waiting between shots, changing stuff at the last minutes and still. 
I loved it.

Anyway, here's the video. For anyone who's interested I'm the girl with the flashy pink/orange sweater that says 'And don't be depressed' Just before me's Sabrina and Barbara's the blonde just after. We're the hair color trio. *chuckles*
Hope you like.


I hope this works.

No, really, I'm serious. My group and I have this collective paper to write and my part is 'how do behavior studies help in business'. In other words, how are they useful to manage a team or recruit people.

Since I'm completely crasy and I'm a huge fan of Topher (he's me, he's just more gifted and a guy, but he's me), I went nuts on my part. i re read it this moring and cracked up. 

I was all... 'they you can place the personality you choose wereever you want because data tells you everything you need to know about the people you manage.' 'If you have complex enough data you can use people like parts of a machinery that will be perfected until your team goes like clockwork.' 'personalities can be broken down to ones and zeros.'

*head desk* Ones and zeros, Soffy? Yeah, maybe. A whole bunch of them, then! I so have to rewrite that or i'm busted. I'm not the only one in the team that watches Dollhouse and Cindy is already calling me Topher so...
Hey, can I hook up with Claire then? Or Ivy? And get stonned with Adelle? (she SO sucks at climbing on railings)

 Snagged this from xfirefly9x .

I mean, I've had heartaches before. I've had break ups.

But this is the final blow. Can you really get over breaking up with your dad?
And consequently, breaking up with your mom and family?

He can't stand me, won't even consider the fact that I have a brain and a valuable opinion on things futile like say... me..
He almost hit me yesterday. I wish I hadn't reacted as quickly and let him do it. He would at least have felt guilty for a while.

So tomorrow, when the fly back home lands in Paris, I'll say goodbye to my mom for the very last time. She doesn't know that. I'm not even sure myself. It'll break my heart.
But I can't go on like that.

I thought all these years would have made me tougher. But it's just making me more tender. Like punching a bruise. Scratching a bleeding wound.

So this is my song today. Perfect, by Simple Plan.
If nothing lasts forever, then this family is over.

I've tried, for so long, to hold on, for my mom. For my dad even, because he can feel pain, but he apparently doesn't care about the pain he causes so... I'm breaking up.

I need to be strong. Get myself back together and stop crying over this.

Maybe people are ok without dads. Without close' family. I'm not a kid anymore. Hell, some girls are married and moms at 22.

It's not like I'm alone. It's not like I need anyone.

I just need my meds for my stomach and... I've got the feeling that i'm going to get better now.
And if things go according to my plans, there will soon be an ocean between me and my dad.

Sometimes I wonder if things wouldn't be better if my parent splited. but ity's cruel. my mom seems happy. and we'd  be broke. not that it matters, i've been ready to shut my mouth for my dad to pay my tuition but now it's too painfull.

I don't know what to say next. I maybe a failure, a whore, weak and uncapable of nothing. but I could hold on all these years and I'll be alright now.

I owe him nothing but tuitions and scars. Lots of them. Now I'm big enough to decide which pain is the lesser.

And on that happy note.... ciao.

PS: Marocco is great. I don't know if I'll get my pictures because... my dad has my camera. *shrugs* I've got memories.

 My daddy decided that instead of sleeping I needed travel to get better (we learned that I have not one but 'several' wholes in my stomach and oesophagus and a big inflamation... ah ah ... I like being an acid factory...).

So I'm off for the break (next week) with for times the treatment I had before. And I'm going to Marocco (I think it spells that way). So I'll enjoy a little less wintery weather (We'll weather the weather whatever the weather whether we like it or not... I'm not british, but not that far either.) And I'll be back saturday of next week (March the 7th, which will be getting dangerously close to yet another birthday I didn't see creep up on me...)

And then, I'll have proof for you that I am, now officially , a complete dork.

byes!!!!

 Ok, this isn't the first time that I had a sexy dream, hell... I'm 21. This also isn't the first time I had a dream involving people from my fandoms. On some occurences, I'm one of them, or more like a spectator in a body.
Last night I was Peter Petrelli. Granted, I was hooking up with Sylar -Hell, don't I dream of shagging Quinto at least once a week these days?-, but I was still a guy. It happens sometimes, but it's weird to remember your.... male parts... when you're a chick.
Anyway... as weird as it may seem, this is not the weirdest part.
The wierdest part of all, was that when I woke up... I had my lower lip twitching and moving just like Milo's. It took me over an hour to be able to smile and speak without my lip going sideways.
*thinking*
What the hell did I do with my mouth -all by myself- all night to make my muscles remember so much that position?
Or was I just possessed? Or did my body think I was Peter?
*rofl*
My life is just so wack.

Hey buddies, for those who are interested, I'm taking a break from my life until the mid terms are over. I might post stuff and some stories but I won't be concentrating on them. In January it'll be a different story and i'll be back on track.

Hopefully.

Anyway, this is what promted this: it's been a few weeks that i've been swamped in work and stress signals have been showing everywhere. Tachycardia and arythmia are back, i don't sleep, can't eat unless I want to feel like puking... etc... So I'm been meaning to post this for a while.

I'm currently in a room in my school instead of being in class because some janitor found me crying on the floor of the bathroom. Very neat self esteem wise. I was completely fine this morning, although i haven't slept much, i had energy. Then i got out of class for the break and it all happened in 30 seconds.
I was laughing and joking about being excited for yesterday's episode of Heroes, that i can watch tonight, to feeling my stomach actually burn and i thought i was going to vomit when i stood. i went to the bathroom and i thought i as going to die from a heart attack. Poor David, I called his cell like 5 times because i wanted him to help me relax but he didn't get my class, so he's in class and must be wondering what the hell is happening. I called my mom and cried like a stupid shit, while hestitating between making myself sick and get it over with or trying not to puke. I haven't decided yet.
The doctor was called in emergency and I'm still shaking and feeling sick. He gave me something to sleep. That'd be great. I haven't slept more than three or four hours in two weeks, so yeah... *if* that works, that'd be great.
They make artificial hearts, can they make articicial stomachs too? i want one. one that doesn't burn and digests itself. (santa, if you read this...)

I'm sorry if this post is dramatic, i basically just wanted to tell you I'll try to catch up on my friend's page but i can't guaranty anyhing since i have a lot of people in my flist and they all post many great stuff and i can't choose...